Rules for being human

1. You will receive a body. You may like it, or hate it, but it will be yours for the entire period this time around.

2. You will learn lessons. You are enrolled in a full time informal school called life. Each day in this school you have the opportunity to learn lessons. You may like the lessons or think they are irrelevant and stupid.

3. There are no mistakes, only lessons. Growth is a process of trial and error and experimentation. The ”failed” experiments are as much a part of the process as the experiment that ultimately ”works”.

4. A lesson is repeated until learned… A lesson will be presented to you in various forms until you have learned it. When you have learned it, you can go to the next lesson. Periodically, the lesson will be re- presented to see if you still remember it.

5. Learning lessons does not end. There is no part of life that does not contain its lessons. If you are alive, there are lessons to be learnt. If no lessons is being presented, it is likely that you are no longer alive.

6. ”There” is no better than ”here”. When your ”there” has become a ”here”, you will simply acquire another ”there”. That will again look better than ”here”.

7. Others are simply mirrors of you. You cannot love or hate something about another person unless it reflects something you love or hate about yourself.

8. What you make of your life is up to you. You have all the tools and resources you need. What you make of them is up to you; the choice is yours.

9. Your answers lie inside you. The answers to life’s questions lie inside you. All you have to do is look, listen and trust.

10. You will forget all this. That fact is itself a lesson.

Stress Management Technique

This actually does work........


Just in case you are having a rough day (week, year, and life), here is a stress management technique recommended in all the latest psychological journals.
The funny thing is that it really does work and will make you smile.

 

  1. Picture yourself lying on your stomach on a warm rock that hangs out over a crystal clear stream.

 2. Picture yourself with both your hands dangling in the cool running water.

 3. Birds are sweetly singing in the cool mountain air.

 4. No one knows your secret place.

 5. You are in total seclusion from that hectic place called the world.

 6. The soothing sound of a gentle waterfall fills the air with a cascade of serenity.
 
 7. The water is so crystal clear that you can easily make out the face of the asshole you are holding underwater.
 
  
 There!! See? It really does work. You're smiling already.
  

Orange Marmalade Cream Cake

1 pkg (18.25 oz each) white cake mix
4 ounces cream cheese
2 tablespoons butter, softened
1 teaspoon vanilla extract
2 teaspoons freshly grated orange peel (1 med orange = about 2 tsp)
2 tablespoons fresh orange juice
2 cups confectioners' sugar
1/3 cup orange marmalade


Directions
Preheat oven according to cake mix directions. Spray two 9-inch round cake pans with baking spray. Prepare and bake cake according to package directions.
Cool cakes in pans for 10 minutes, then transfer to wire racks. Cool completely, about 15 minutes.
Combine cream cheese and butter in large mixing bowl; cream together until very smooth. Add vanilla, orange peel, orange juice and sugar; blend until smooth.
Place one cake layer onto cake plate. Spread with thin layer of cream cheese mixture. Top with orange marmalade, spreading evenly to the edge of the cake. Place second cake layer over first; frost cake with remaining cream cheese mixture.

Macaroon Cookies

Ingredients

• 1.5 cup flaked sweetened coconut
• 1/2 cup sugar
• 1/4 cup white all-purpose flour
• 1/4 tsp salt
• 3 egg whites, at room temperature
• 1/2 tsp vanilla extract
• 1/2 tsp almond extract

Directions

1 Preheat oven to 325°F. Line 2 baking sheets with parchment paper or aluminum foil.
2 In medium bowl, use a rubber spatula or wooden spoon to combine coconut, sugar, flour and salt.
3 Stir in egg whites and extracts until well blended. Drop by rounded teaspoonful on prepared baking sheets.
4 Bake for 18-20 minutes, or until golden brown. Move cookies with parchment paper or foil and place on rack to cool.
5 When cool, remove from paper or foil and store in sealed container.

You can also drizzle chocolate over them after cooled. 

All I Need To Know I Learned From The Easter Bunny

All I need to know

I learned from the Easter Bunny!

Don't put all your eggs in one basket.

Everyone needs a friend who is all ears.

There's no such thing as too much candy.

All work and no play can make you a basket case.

A cute tail attracts a lot of attention.

Everyone is entitled to a bad hare day.

Let happy thoughts multiply like rabbits.

Some body parts should be floppy.

Keep your paws off of other people's jelly beans.

Good things come in small, sugar coated packages.

The grass is always greener in someone else's basket.

To show your true colors, you have to come out of the shell.

The best things in life are still sweet and gooey.

May the joy of the season fill your heart.

Happy Easter!

Just Be There

A nurse took a tired, anxious serviceman to the bedside of a dying man.

"Your son is here,"  the nurse said to the old man.
She had to repeat the words several times before the patient's eyes opened.


Heavily sedated because of the pain of his heart attack, he dimly saw the young uniformed Marine standing outside the oxygen tent. He reached out his hand. The Marine wrapped his toughened fingers around the old man's limp ones, squeezing a message of love and encouragement.


The nurse brought a chair so that the Marine could sit beside the bed.All through the night the young Marine sat there in the poorly lightedward, holding the old man's hand and offering him words of love and strength. Occasionally, the nurse suggested that the Marine move away and rest awhile.

He refused. Whenever the nurse came into the ward, the Marine was oblivious of her and of the night noises of the hospital - the clanking of the oxygen tank, the laughter of the night staff members exchanging greetings, the cries and moans of the other patients.


Now and then she heard him say a few gentle words. The dying man said nothing, only held tightly to his son all through the night.


Along towards dawn, the old man died. The Marine released the now lifeless hand he had been holding and went to tell the nurse. While she did what she had to do, he waited.


Finally, she returned. She started to offer words of sympathy, but the Marine interrupted her.

"Who was that man?" he asked.


The nurse was startled, "He was your father," she answered.

"No, he wasn't," the Marine replied. "I never saw him before in my life."


"Then why didn't you say something when I took you to him?"


"I knew right away there had been a mistake, but I also knew he needed his son, and his son just wasn't here. When I realized that he was too sick to tell whether or not I was his son, knowing how much he needed me, I stayed. I came here tonight to find a Mr. William Grey. His Son was Killed in Iraq today, and I was sent to
inform him.

What was this gentleman's name?"

The Nurse with Tears in Her Eyes Answered,
Mr. William Grey.............



The next time someone needs you ... just be there.. Stay.




WE ARE NOT HUMAN BEINGS GOING THROUGH A TEMPORARY SPIRITUAL EXPERIENCE..

WE ARE SPIRITUAL BEINGS GOING THROUGH A TEMPORARY HUMAN EXPERIENCE.

Death During Sex

Right in the middle of lovemaking, the husband dies of a heart attack. As the funeral arrangements are being made, the mortician informs the widow that he cannot get rid of her dead husband's rigor mortis hard-on which is sticking straight up in the air and if they don't do something, it will look odd in the coffin at the funeral.

The widow tells the guy to cut it off and stick it up her dear departed's behind. The mortician can't believe his ears but the widow is adamant, so he does it. During the funeral, friends and relatives of the dead man were concerned to see a tear in the corner of his eye, but the widow assured them that there was no cause to be alarmed.

Just before the casket is closed, the widow leans in and whispers in the dead man's ear, "It HURTS, doesn't it?"

Two Nuns in a Park

Two nuns, Sister Mary and Sister Elizabeth are walking through the park when they are jumped by two thugs. Their habits are ripped from them and the men begin to sexually assault them.

Sister Elizabeth casts her eyes heavenward and cries, "Forgive him Lord, for he knows not what he is doing!"

Sister Mary turns and moans, "Oh God, mine does!!!"

Easy Cheese Cake

2 cans (8 oz. each) refrigerated crescent dinner rolls, divided
2 pkg. (8 oz. each) PHILADELPHIA Cream Cheese, softened
1 tsp. vanilla
1 egg, slightly beaten
3/4 cup sugar, divided
2 Tbsp. ground cinnamon


PREHEAT oven to 350°F. Unroll 1 of the cans of crescent dough. Press onto bottom of greased 13x9-inch baking pan to form crust, firmly pressing seams together to seal.

BEAT cream cheese, vanilla, egg and 1/2 cup of the sugar with electric mixer on medium speed until well blended. Spread onto crust.

UNROLL remaining can of crescent dough onto large sheet of wax paper. Pat out dough to form 13x9-inch rectangle, pressing seams together to seal. Invert over cream cheese mixture to form top crust; discard wax paper.

BAKE 30 to 35 min. or until golden brown. Combine remaining 1/4 cup sugar and cinnamon in small bowl; sprinkle over squares before cutting.



Substitute

Prepare as directed, using reduced fat refrigerated crescent dinner rolls and PHILADELPHIA Neufchatel, 1/3 Less Fat than Cream Cheese.

Christmas Egg Nog

A Holiday Classic! Makes about 38 1/2 cup servings.

Ingredients

12 eggs separated 1 cup sugar 1 1/2 cups bourbon 1/2 cup brandy 6 cups milk ground nutmeg 1 cup heavy whipping cream

Instructions

1. In large bowl with mixer at low speed, beat egg yolks with sugar. At high speed, beat until thick and lemon colored, about 15 minutes, frequently scraping bowl. 2. Beat in bourbon and brandy, one tablespoon at a time to prevent curdling. Cover and chill. 3. About 20 minutes before serving, in chilled 5-6 qt. punch bowl, stir yolk mixture, milk and 1 1/4 teaspoons nutmeg. 4. In large bowl with mixer at high speed, beat egg whites until soft peaks form. 5. In small bowl, using same beaters, beat cream until stiff peaks form. 6. With wire whisk, gently fold egg whites and cream into yolk mixture until just blended and serve.