Help with Stress

A lecturer when explaining stress management to an audience, raised a glass of water and asked 'How heavy is this glass of water?' Answers called out ranged from 20g to 500g. The lecturer replied, 'The absolute weight doesn't matter. It depends on how long you try to hold it.


If I hold it for a minute, that's not a problem.
If I hold it for an hour, I 'll have an ache in my right arm.
If I hold it for a day, you'll have to call an ambulance.
In each case, it's the same weight, but the longer I hold it, the heavier it becomes.'

He continued, and that's the way it is with stress management. If we carry our burdens all the time, sooner or later, as the burden becomes increasingly heavy, we won't be able to carry on.'

'As with the glass of water, you have to put it down for a while and rest before holding it again. When we're refreshed, we can carry on with the burden.'

'So, before you return home tonight, put the burden of work down. Don't carry it home. You can pick it up tomorrow. Whatever burdens you're carrying now, let them down for a moment if you can.'

So my friend, put down anything that may be a burden to you right now. Don't pick it up again until after you've rested a while.

Here are some great ways of dealing with the burdens of life:

* Accept that some days you're the pigeon, and some days you're the statue.
* Always keep your words soft and sweet, just in case you have to eat them.
* Always read stuff that will make you look good if you die in the middle of it.
* Drive carefully. It's not only cars that can be recalled by their maker.
* If you can't be kind, at least have the decency to be vague.
* If you lend someone $20 and never see that person again, it was probably worth it.
* It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to be kind to others.
* Never put both feet in your mouth at the same time, because then you won't have a leg to stand on.
* Nobody cares if you can't dance well. Just get up and dance.
* It's the second mouse that gets the cheese.
* When everything's coming your way, you're in the wrong lane.
* Birthdays are good for you. The more you have, the longer you live.
* Some mistakes are too much fun to only make once.
* We could learn a lot from crayons... Some are sharp, some are pretty, and some are dull. Some have weird names, and all are different colors, but they all have to live in the same box.
*A truly happy person is one who can enjoy the scenery on a detour.
*May you always have Love to Share, Health to Spare, and Friends that Care

HAVE A GREAT and 'STRESS-FREE' DAY!

I’m out of bed and dressed. What more do you want?

Homer Simpson's philosophy of life:
"Son, when you participate in sporting events,
it's not whether you win or lose: it's how drunk you get."

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Crime and Punishment

A mother finds an S&M magazine under her son’s bed while cleaning his room. Understandably disturbed, she immediately shows the magazine to her husband.

"Well?" his wife asks. "What do you think we should do?"

"I'm not sure," replies the father. "But we probably shouldn’t spank him."

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The Pope, a schoolboy and President Bush are in a plane. Suddenly the pilot suffers a heart attack and the craft takes a nosedive. As the engines sputter, the three passengers try to stay calm.

'Well,' says the Pope, 'we have established that none of us can land this baby, so we're going to have to jump for it.'

'But there are only two parachutes,' says the boy, pointing to a pile of bundles by the exit.

Without hesitating, President Bush rushes over to them, takes one and shouts: 'I am the President of the United States of America. I am the world's most powerful leader. And apart from that, I am the most intelligent President in the history of my country. I have a responsibility to my people not to die.'

With that, he leaps out of the plane.

Now the Pope turns calmly to the schoolboy and says: 'I am already old. I have already lived my life as a good person and a priest. There is a place for me in heaven. I insist you take the last parachute.'

'No need,' says the boy, 'intelligent President Bush has taken my schoolbag...'

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A Man and His Animals

A man decides to start a farm. So he walks into town to buy some animals. At the farmers' market he first asks for a rooster.

"We don't call them roosters here," the clerk says snootily. "We call 'em cocks."

So the man buys one cock, then points at another animal and asks: "What do you call that?"

The clerk replies: "That's a pullet."

The man agrees to buy one.
Finally, he asks for a donkey.

The clerk replies: "We don't call them donkeys,
we call 'em asses, but we only have one left and he's very temperamental."

"What's wrong with it," asks the man, who is determined that he must have a donkey.

"Once in a while it will stop walking and
it won't budge unless you scratch it behind the ears," says the clerk.

The man decides to buy it anyway,
and pays for all the animals before starting his walk home.

On the way, the donkey suddenly stops and doesn't move.

But the man has his arms full with the rooster and pullet,
so has to stop a woman who is passing by to ask for help.

"Pardon me," he asks politely,
"would you mind holding my cock and pullet, while I scratch my ass?"