Why Parents Drink

Passing by my son's bedroom, I was astonished to see that his bed was nicely made and everything was picked up. Then I saw an Envelope, propped up prominently on the pillow that was addressed to 'Mom.'

With the worst premonition I opened the envelope with trembling hands and read the letter.


Dear Mom:


It is with great regret and sorrow that I'm writing you. I had to elope with my new girlfriend because I wanted to avoid a scene with Dad and you.

I have been finding real passion with Stacy and she is so nice.

But I knew you would not approve of her because of all her piercing, tattoos, tight motorcycle clothes and the fact that she is much older than I am. But it' s not only the passion...Mom she's pregnant.

Stacy said that we will be very happy.

She owns a trailer in the woods and has a stack of firewood for the whole winter. We share a dream of having many more children.

We'll be growing marijuana for ourselves and trading it with the other people that live nearby for cocaine and ecstasy.

In the meantime we will pray that science will find a cure for AIDS so Stacy can get better. She deserves it.

Don't worry Mom. I'm 15 and I know how to take care of myself. Someday I'm sure that we will be back to visit so that you can get to know your grandchildren.

Love,
Your Son
Andrew


PS. Mom, none of the above is true. I'm over at Tony's house.

I Just wanted to remind you that there are worse things in life than a Report card that's in my center desk drawer.


I love you. Call me when it's safe to come home.